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that's a tumor... thanks Santa Claus!

You thought we are not scared of death...

but no... only when it comes, you will know it's not easy any at all...

It's only 20 years living in this world, yet I can see that everything seems to stop here, or it's going on and on and on like this...

Perhaps material things coming so easily that it takes me for a while to decide a piece of thing when people ask me what do I want for my birthday. I'm getting bored with life around; however, don't ask me how to make it interesting. I'm not sure if anyone dare to say that they always live an interesting life. Who know?

All the time, my boss says that I'm weird: no breakfast; lunch time, he makes me to eat; in the afternoon, he asks me to go out and buy something so as to get out of desktop screen; dinner time, he shoos me away office... Remember that I used to criticize the so-called workaholic, that they're too ambitious to understand the meaning of life. And now, looking at myself, who am I? one among them... the reason is that I don't know what else to do besides working. When I work, I feel conscious of time, of my existence; when the day ends, I'm floating, adrift...

Friends once fulfill those empty spaces, till this moment, I'm lost, losing all faith on human. Thought I'm able to maintain relationships as long as I give all my heart. So what? bitter!

I start to think about her, and start to regret. Maybe this is exactly what she felt years ago.

Fortunately, if I weren't who I am today, I would stay in bed and cry for my self-pity when being sick these days. But no, I have learned to accept the bluntness of fact from deep inside my soul, not like the way I tried to pretend with silly reactions any longer. I have realized that human is the loneliest creature God has ever made. We're all alone in this world, even the twins are born alone... and that's why if we don't learn to love ourselves, who fucking else will? I know, it's not easy at first to get used to this concept and still hurt, still empty sometimes, but for now I totally have no idea about longing for an identified person is caring for me. That's all, that must be better than watching over a vague shadow!