Well... i was often obsessed by the thought of having no one to rely on, even when having many people surrounding. You would say that's just an obsession, nonsense!
i stop looking for soul mate, stop believing in its existence or it's already died right after being born in a world full of chaos like this... i start to find a normal friendship, no idealization. i try to be good with hope of getting back nothing but their kindness. However, it turns out (still) to be idealization.
Time after time, i become suspicious of everyone as i believe no matter how i try, i would end up in loneliness. So what's the point of giving all for nothing? Still, i have no idea of whether we ourselves bury our own souls or that's the essence of life?
and at this moment i don't know where to begin. i'm fed up with involving in any relationship. Perhaps in the past i used to convince myself that i still had some by my side to keep moving on; but now i can't find any motivation. i quit, really, as i know it doesn't exist, never...
Well, maybe my obsession is not merely an obsession anymore. It's a truth!
